You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
