Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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