We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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