I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
