well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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