So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
