Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
