Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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