Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize