You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
