cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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