He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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