I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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