I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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