Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
