I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
