Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
