I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
