I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize