Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
