You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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