So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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