After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
