I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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