I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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