if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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