hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
