I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
