WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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