I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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