Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
