I accidentally had phone sex last night
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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