I just made out with a guy for $7.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
