that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
