All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
