I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
