Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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