Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The Olympian is in my bed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
