after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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