i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
