hotel room ftw
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize