A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
