If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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