So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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