wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
