i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
