well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
