It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
