don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
