Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
