i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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