the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
