I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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