don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
