His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
