it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
