He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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