hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
