yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
