guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize