I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
