Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
