Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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