maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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