I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
