Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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