Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she woke up with a sticky ear
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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