Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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