i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
