i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
